Bait the Hook to Suit the Fish
November 12, 2013 § 6 Comments
Moving the mindset of another can be difficult, if not maddening at times. What makes clear sense to me creates shock and resistance in another. One of the greatest lessons my two children have taught me is how important it is to be thoughtful of who it is I’m trying to influence and how they like to be approached. And usually it’s different. What works with one, won’t work with the other. I’ll admit: It hasn’t been an easy lesson to learn.
50 years of research done by TRACOM GROUP has revealed that people prefer different types of communication. They have identified four distinct ways of interaction, or four SOCIAL STYLES℠ : Analytical, Expressive, Amiable and Driving.
My oldest has an Analytical style of interaction. She prefers accuracy, logic and a measured, reserved pace. For her to make a decision, adopt a new viewpoint, or change direction, she needs not to feel rushed. Her need for information, sometimes a lot if it, needs to be satisfied. Reducing the emotional content and avoiding opinions allows her to be open to, and accepting, of new ideas. In an influence situation, the best thing I can do for my favorite child is to give her information and give her time to digest and prepare.
On the other hand, her brother, my other favorite child, is Expressive Styled. He hungers for the sharing of feelings on an issue, a quick paced, spontaneous interaction, and a reliance on making decisions based on a gut feel. When I get into the small details (something I personally like to do) he feels overwhelmed, frustrated and is quick to reject and move on. Personal recognition – especially as it relates to him and the issue at hand – carries a lot of weight. When he gets it, it leaves him more open to my viewpoint. Typical of the Expressive Style.
You can learn more about the communication needs of these SOCIAL STYLES℠and about the Amiable and Driving Styles by visiting TRACOM’S website. My biggest take-away with my experience and use of the SOCIAL STYLES℠ model is – in an influence situation – de-focus on the Golden Rule and put more valence on the Platinum Rule: “Do Unto Others As They Would Like To Have You Do Unto Them.”
In other words, as Dale Carnegie said: “Bait the hook to suit the fish.“
Very interesting. I looked at the TRACOM website and discovered that I’m partially all four types, so now I don’t know how to recommend people deal with me.
HI John, It’s common to connect with all 4 styles because we are never just one all the time. But the research clearly says we tend to gravitate, by habit, to a dominant and a secondary style – particularly evident when experiencing stress. Socrates was the first to identify the 4 similar “temperments” (sanguine, phlegmatic, …). 50% of the time our self perception is different than the shared perception of those who live and work with us.
I love the Platinum Rule.
Helpful insights, as always, Allen.
Thanks Bob. Wonder what a diamond rule would be? Ruby rule? …..
Great read… Read for a second time over Thanksgiving; something I need to remind myself of frequently.
Hey Rob…..true for all of us. And I just started reading Untethered Soul for the 2nd time (actually, on audio). Have a great holiday.